I've been seriously absent....i've been trying to set up my house...it's going good. But I feel like I've dropped off the face of the planet,,,plus we don't have our internet yet.....BUT....we did go get our new cell phone numbers and in the transition, my blackberry died. SOOO....that means I got my centro, which means I can now blog from my phone!!! Sweet, huh?
More soon!!
I'm soooo sorry for my utter neglect!
The guys got here yesterday, yay!!
They are unpacking the truck right now...AWESOME!!!
We watched the Celtics game last night and man, that was so cool.
Me, my brother, my sister, our spouses....all together, watching our hometown team. It just felt good. It was an awesome night. Especially the "quicky" Zak and I managed to fit in during the game. God, I missed him.....ha!!
We can't sleep there yet because the electricity isn't turned on until tomorrow, but we can get things unpacked and start setting up....I'm excited!!! I cannot wait to be settled and to start just living life again. I feel everything has been in upheaval for months....it'll be nice to really feel like I'm home.
Anyone remember this song?
J and I were instant messaging today and she commented this song was on. And I told her it reminded me of her. She was relieved to know it wasn't because of the words....ha!
This song reminds me of her because it reminds me of Florida. When Zak and I were living in Florida is when this song came out and that is also when J and I "met" online. It's one of those songs that remind me of someone, not so much because of the words, but becasue of the time period when it came out.
Now the words....or at least the title....reminds me of Ceci. Sophia Hawkins has a song called "As I lay me down" and there is a line in it that goes "I run to meet you barefoot--barely breathing" and both of us ooohed and aahhed over that line. So wish we wrote it. This song is meaningful to her not just because of that lyric but because, if I am remembering correctly (and I am sure I am...), it reminds her of her dad. After talking to J, I got a bit weepy, missing Ceci and later I went and found that Sophie B. Hawkins song....
There will be many more of these songs, to come. I find comfort in music....whenever something big happens in my life, the songs find me and they comfort me and they make me feel whatever I need them to....they connect me to the people I love in a way nothing else does. They are my love letters....my history....my story....my shout out to my "people"....and for those few minutes....when I am listening.....I feel, physically feel, my love for whoever the song reminds me of. For me, it's the purest, deepst, and most honest my love is. And this Sophie B. Hawkins song, today...connected me to Ceci...
So Ceci....although this song already means a lot to you and I hope I don't intrude on a special song for you, but as I listened to this today....every word made me think of you.
It felt like springtime on this February morning
In the courtyard birds were singing your praise
I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright
I carried them with me today, Now
(chorus) As I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away
I'll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy
I wonder why I feel so high
Though I am not above the sorrow
Heavy hearted
Till you call my name
And it sounds like church bells
Or the whistle of a train
On a summer evening
I'll run to meet you
Barefoot barely breathing
(repeat chorus)
It's not too near for me
Like a flower I need the rain
Though it's not clear to me
Every season has its change
And I will see you
When the sun comes out again
Steve came up to see me and that was so nice. He drove me to get a coffee and then just hung out at the house for awhile. Loved it!
Got to watch the Celtics game....here....in New England....whoa....very weird feeling. I know most people don't "get" this, but sports is a huge community bonding thing. And to be here, at home and watching the Celtics in a Championship game again....it just felt very surreal. It made me feel very "home" and it was cool. Even though we lost....I'm actually okay with that. Now Zak and Marky will be here for Game 6 and it's in Boston. THAT will be awesome and I can't wait!
The boys are doing well. They got detoured in Iowa because of the floods and I'll be happy when they are just completely out of that state.
Ben is up. 1 am. And he's up. <sigh> I cannot wait to get him all settled in. These late nights are going to kill me...lol. Plus, I have to get up early tomorrow so I can get Jaime registered for school.....this kid needs to just GO TO BED. lol
The kids are having a hard time adjusting to the time. They have been up until 3am every night!! Ugh!! To be honest though, it's not just the time difference. We have a very "set" routine, for their bedtime. And right now, it's blown to hell, to say the least. So it has been chaotic, trying to take care of them. They are having fun and doing good, but the bedtime thing has not been fun. Hopefully, things will work themselves out, soon. I think once they have their beds and are surrounded by their stuff again, it will help bigtime.
I haven't seen anyone yet, it's just been so crazy, I haven't had time. But I've been talking to everyone on the phone and that's cool. "Guess who lives here now??" has been a resounding chorus. Very cool! And Steve is going to come up today....we'll probably just hang out here, at my sister's. I'll let my kids drive him crazy....ha!
I sent a lot of you an email of the guys at Mount Rushmore. I hope you all got it! I think it's so cool that they got to see that. They are making good time and having a blast. I am really happy that Zak got to do this. Drive across the country....I think it will be an awesome transition for him and he's going to hit the ground running, here. He's very excited to start his new job and it's so nice to see him so excited. It makes me excited for him. It's a bit of a drag to be apart on Father's Day, but we'll just have to do something cool to make it up to him. :-) Actually, I think it's harder on Jaime than anyone else. She looks at me today and says..."You mean he's not going to be with his child for Father's Day??" Totally cracked me up. It was all I had not to laugh because she was very serious. She got to talk to him on the phone and I think that made her feel much better. Only a couple more days and he'll be here! yay!!
Okay....I must go. Gotta get some laundry started and get in the shower before Steve gets here.
2 things I could not wait for Jaime to get to experience...getting to see a real butterfly and getting an ice cream from an ice cream truck.
Today my little girl got to do BOTH things. That was very cool. The weather was fantastic. Sunny and hot with a slight breeze....
Ben slept all day and Jaime pretty much spent the day in and out of the pool. She literally collapsed in my arms, from exhuastion....that girl is gonna sleep tonight!! lol. Which is what I wish I were doing but Ben slept all day so he is up still. I have to wait him out. I took two little naps, just to keep me going. I hardly slept on the overnight flight and I am just so tired....
I talked to a lot of my "people" today and everyone is so happy we have arrived. I'm happy but it still feels surreal and really no different than when I come on vacaton. I think once Zak and Marky get here, then it will feel more real. I want my stuff!! lol They are doing good and on the road. I think they are going to stop for the night, soon.
Plus, I'm still a bit torn up about leaving Ceci. She sounded good on the phone today, a couple of moments you could hear the tears in her throat, but we pushed through it and managed to get through all of our conversations without crying. Progress!!! I miss her.
Danielle called today and that was nice to hear her voice. I'm going to give Kim a quick call before I go to bed, I think.
I'm waiting Ben out...he slept all afternoon so he is not ready for bed. I, however, so am! lol. Even with taking two little naps today, I am still just exhausted....and on that note, I'm off...I cant' even think straight, i am so tired!!
It wasn't supposed to be hard to leave....
The one sentence that is going through my head over and over and over.
It never was supposed to be this hard to leave Alaska.
Kim came by last night and when she left, I was crying and Zak was hugging me telling me that it's okay.....
and I was like "I know, I know...it's just it'll never be the same again"
and that's what is tough. knowing that life will never be the same again.
It's a good thing....leaving here has always been what we planned and I am so excited for Zak because I think he is going to do so well "in the real world". So much of Alaska holds him back, some of it he could overcome, some of it he couldn't. But for him, professionally, I think moving is exactly what he needs right now.
And I'm excited to get back to my family and friends. I'm excited to get back to nice weather. Real radio stations. Lakes that you can actually swim in because it's warm enough. Warm summer nights.....
But even being excited about all that, doesn't make leaving the people I love here, any easier.
It's hard. Much harder than I ever imagined it would be.
I don't love easy. And I don't love a little. The people that I love here are what has made living here bearable for me. They all mean the world to me and I am going to miss them so much.
I'm not a big fan of change. I never have been. And I have been so certain that we are making the right decision for us. But all this emotion has me totally second guessing all of this and I know I shouldn't. But it's hard not to.
Let's just say thank God our stuff is on a boat....lol.
Because it's real tempting right now to just unpack the truck and stay.
But you know....even if I did that, I wouldn't be happy here....
I just wish leaving was easier...
I cannot believe it.
I can't believe I am now less than 24 hours from going home.
It's so surreal...even now, it feels like a dream.
these last few days have been really, really difficult.
Leaving Ceci and JR is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.
All year, I have known that leaving her is going to be so hard.
I didn't anticipate it being as hard on her. All the times I sat with her and cried at the injustice of having to give her up in order to get back home and she talked to me sensibly and reasonabl and calmed me down. Foolishly, it made me think that us leaving wasn't going to be as hard for her as it was for me. Watching her these last few days I realize how wrong I was. And it's breaking my heart...
ugh...okay, done with this for awhile.
time to do something else or I'll completely fall apart.
.
everything didn't fit and so now we're having to ship some stuff...
no big deal except it's something we didn't plan on having to do.
it's more of a pain in the ass than anything, really.
and we've gotta get it down there like now....
we're doing small bbq tonight...nothing big but something so people can come by and say hi and bye.
that should be fun.
busy, busy, busy.
We're having issues.
almost 11pm and everything is so not going to fit in the truck.
The truck has to be at the ferry by 1:30am.
Zak and Marky are packing the truck, Jaime and Ben are so not asleep...as they should be....and I'm getting my last moments with my precious computer.
Kim stopped by and thankfully brought stuff for us to sleep on. Ceci helped us out, bigtime, but what she had wasn't enough and Kim picked up the slack, thank God.
I really just want this over with.
We are going to have to leave so much behind......lol.
I have waaaay too much shit.
ugh!
